Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Aging and Health Tips from Hubbard

Mom says the talk in Washington about health care has the folks at the Cafe sharing health and aging experiences. She says once this conversation starts that it goes on and on.

Joe Frank Bell kicked the discussion off. Every morning Joe Frank has been walking by a new neighbor's house. He says an older and very wrinkled lady with a great smile was always sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What's your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all." Joe Frank thought he had found the secret of youth, "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she answered.

Speaking of age and looks, Borger Lee Heard says his wife told him, "you don't look anything like the long haired, skinny kid I married 35 years ago, so I want a DNA test to make sure it is still you."

Sometimes the kids have the best health advice. Gerald Pursley has been going to the beer joint in Malone to shoot pool every Saturday night for years. He usually wore his genuine Willie Nelson autographed Armadillo baseball cap. One night as he was leaving his young grandson said,"Papa I wouldn't wear that hat anymore." "Why?" Gerald asked.

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

Billy Mack Waller told the group that he thought he had the perfect health plan. He called the one local Hubbard physician, and golfing buddy, Dr. Sammons and asked him for a favor. Sure enough, when BM's wife went in for a regular visit, Dr. Sammons told her that BM's tests were back from the lab and didn't look good. He informed her that Bill was suffering from a rare and serious stress disorder that required immediate action. In fact if he did not minimize his work schedule, get plenty of fresh air and exercise, eat home cooked meals three times a day, and have sex regularly that he wasn't long for this world.

When BM's wife returned home he asked about his tests results. " The doctor said you're going to die," was her quick response.

Scottie Andersen thinks his wife is going through menopause in which case Smokey Brown, who always talks about sex, told Scottie that menopause was mentioned in the Bible. Under severe questioning, Smokey said it is right there in Mathew 14:92, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt".

I am not sure Obama wants to get involved in all this?

Think about it,


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