Thursday, September 24, 2009

Obama Provides Specialized Assistance to the United Nations Asylum

Notes from the Cafe after monitoring the UN Asylum (Asylum- an institution for the maintenance and care of the mentally ill, orphans, or other persons requiring specialized assistance):

Billy Roy, local C&W star and philosopher supreme, predicts Obama will soon give a speech "making himself perfectly clear that he has already killed bin Laden, defeated the Taliban, and made peace with Al Queda, and therefor, is bringing home all troops as soon as he and General Motors can make transportation arrangements and he and ACORN can finish his 2012 US election voter registration work in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and surrounding regions. This is addition his actions in reducing the temperature, and therefor Global Warming by 10 degrees from the month of August to the month of October with more to come in the next few months."

Billy Roy repeated his belief, "After seeing Qaddafi at the UN, Clinton made a direct hit, instead of missing as the news reported, with his bombing of Qaddafi. A direct hit being 'right in the face'. This guy is uglier than Bill Clinton's first wife."

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez told the U.N. General Assembly on Thursday that he smells “hope” not sulfur in the United States (reference to George Bush who he said was the devil) now that Obama is President, and he later told reporters he "felt there was chemistry" between him and Obama. Butch Jackson, local political research specialist, thinks, "Chavez should be careful as he believes Obama would drop Happy Hugo in a minute if a bigger 'commie pinko' comes along, like Putin with his shirt off (see recent Time Magazine picture)."

Well, Mom says this kind of spirited discussion inspired Scotty Andersen to give the following tutorial: "The United States elected 43 presidents before the current occupant graced the office with his presence. We fought, and won, two world wars, liberated millions of people worldwide from tyranny, and worked cooperatively with other sovereign nations to rebuild entire continents. Some might even say the character of our nation is well established considering we have been a democracy for just over 230 years now."

He continued, "Not the Telepresident Barack Obama, who told the United Nations General Assembly yesterday, 'For those who question the character and cause of my nation, I ask you to look at the concrete actions we have taken in just nine months.'230 years versus just nine months."

Joe Frank Dell, local Hubbard historian, thinks "this guy's ego is bigger than Jerry Jones." Man did that cause a huge argument and an ongoing debate that may never be decided as long as the Dallas Cowboys are losing.

Scotty says, "the examples of his accomplishments included that we had stopped torturing people and were closing Gitmo. The UN Asylum gave him huge applause for protecting their Terrorists. (Damned that George Bush)"

"The next day the Telepresident made a huge announcement that for nine months he has known of Iran's second nuclear facility. Then he described how in only that short period of time he has convinced both the UK and France to stand up at a podium with him and voice "concern" over the Iranian's very public intention to blow Israel off the face of this earth."

Think about it,


P.S. I read that the teleprompter used "I or me" every 13 seconds in his speechs while all other US real Presidents used the term"we" speaking for the US executive branch and our nation. My research is that is an exaggeration and the number is more like every 25 seconds. (Damned that right wing press)

Why Netanyahu Keeps Having to Change His Underwear

Billy Roy says he knows an Obama voter who is so dumb he sold his pick up truck to get gas money. The same guy gave this answer when he was criticized for having sex with his third cousin. "If it bothers people that much they should quit counting."

Meanwhile, the folks at the Cafe are following the Middle East very closely. Particularly the Bible scholars are keenly interested in this part of the world for obvious reasons.

Obama met with leaders from Israel and the Palestinians Tuesday with Iran’s nuclear threat hovering over Israel. The same day Iran's leader, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said he would "cut the hand" of anyone who attacked Iran while it was reported he was delivering weapons , including sophisticated roadside bombs, to terrorists in Afghanistan.

Here is the Cafe's description of the tight and complex obstacle course (known as following diplomatic channels to gain world support) that Israel must negotiate to insure their safety from Iranian nukes:

1. Obama must set a date and keep his commitment that if Iran does not stop their nuclear development then the US will lead sanctions against Iran, and soon (like in 2-3 mos.).

2. Then Russia and China in the Security Counsel will vote down any sanctions by the UN making it necessary for Obama to lead an effort to get major countries to enforce tough sanctions outside of the UN. And of course, the French are already pushing back while the Leftist U. K. Prime Minister is doing away with a nuclear sub to show the world how he supports Obama's disarmament plan.

3. Then the sanctions must be put in place and enforced to the degree that the Iranian people will overthrow their government rather than risk an Israeli attack. Yes you read it right, an overthrow is needed since the current Iranian leaders will never give in to sanctions.

4. Then all of this must happen before Russia supplies the Iranians with a Missile Defense System that would keep Israel from being able to strike Iranian nuclear targets and/or Iran gets deliverable nuclear weapons. (Putin must back down like Obama did in Eastern Europe with the Czechs and Poles---fat chance!!)

5. Then Israel must get at least some degree of support from the US for the Israeli’s to strike Iran alone.

6. Then the strikes must be successful against dispersed and well guarded nuclear facilities.

7. Step 7, Israel then gets to kick their extra point by surviving to fight again.

So there you are. Does all this make you dizzy. Well think what it does to Netanyahu's undershorts. The good news is that Netanyahu is the right man for the job. He is a real leader and cares deeply about Israel's survival. He can even speak without a teleprompter and actually answer real questions.

Butch Jackson, the Cafe's offical handicaper, says "US elections have consequences which make even a leader like Netanyahu a 2 to 1 underdog just on step #1 since he is dependent on the Telepresident. However, failure will not be Obama's fault since no Teleprompter could handle this kind of complexity. To give the Israelis even money to get through this maize to survival, the US would have to have a real President."

Think about it,



Billy Roy thought our bombs missed Moammar Kadafi a few years back. After seeing him at the UN yesterday, "it looks more like it was a direct hit."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Why I Am Buying Holiday Inn Stock

A good friend of mine that runs auto dealerships just sent me the following good news:

Cash for Clunkers
The POSITIVE results:
It’s taken thousands of Obama bumper stickers off the road...

Joe Frank Dell (all-Hubbard football star in the early 50's) says he had a distant cousin (we all have em) and fifty-one years ago, Howie Joe Dell, a rural Prairie Hill man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Howie a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Howie for 51 years.

Recently another friend of mine here in Austin heard about one of my Mom's friends who coffees at the Hubbard City Cafe and has recently retired and moved into the Hubbard City Motel. This got my Austin friend, a computer guy, thinking and he has come back with a great idea built on unflappable logic for a retirement plan for us all. He is a loyal follower of this blog and asked me to share this with the folks at the Cafe.

To: The Folks at the Hubbard City Cafe

From: A Friend of Mine in Austin By Way of My Blog


Say no to the coming Obama takeover of Nursing Homes (right after Health Care). Instead, we are checking into the Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any cafe we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa , swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There is a city bus stop out front if Obama takes away your car, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus (even from DFW) and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. (Let's try to keep the surplus manageable.)

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn , or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there too. T V broken ? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So, when we reach that golden age,
We'll face it with a grin.
Just forward all our email,
To our friendly Holiday Inn.

Since the City of Hubbard is on both the Stimulation and Bail Out Request Lists to receive a Mass Transit Bus System and an Airport, all we will need is to have the Holiday Inn buy out the Hubbard City Motel and we are in business. Even the Liberal Elites at the Hubbard City Drug Store will go for this plan.

Meanwhile, the Moderates at the Dairy Queen will more than likely straddle the fence but nobody likes them nor cares, anyway (both of them still have their John McCain bumper stickers on their mid-sized cars).

Think about it,


P. S. Since the price of Holiday Inn Stock is going to explode let's externally spread the word as not to be accused of insider trading and all that stuff.