Friday, August 21, 2009

"First Day of School" in Hubbard as Obama Works the Indian Vote

Well Sue, my three grandchildren, and I just spent the weekend in Hubbard to enjoy one more visit with my Mom before school starts. This enabled me to spend time at the Cafe to gain first hand information.

While having breakfast I overheard a converation among the staff of the Hubbard City Cafe who were having a staff meeting to decide which after-shave lotion to buy Bubba, the dish washer, for his birthday. When they asked the world's greatest waitress, Linda, which one she would rather smell on Bubba, without hesitation, she responded that "she didn't want to smell Bubba". I am not sure how that turned out.

We stayed around until Monday afternoon since our kids did not have to get to school until Tuesday. It was well worth it since Donna Riddle, local cattle baron's daughter and second grade school teacher, called the following "first day of school" report into the cafe:

Donna noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and was quite itchy. Donna told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. Ms Riddle went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said,' And Mom told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

Scottie Andersen reported on President Barack Obama's recent vacation out West. Obama was working the Indian vote so he and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto woke the president and said, "Kemo bro, look towards sky, what you see?"

Obama replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

Obama pondered for a minute, turned on his teleprompter, then read, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, Mother Nature is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Whats' it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto says, "Obama, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means somebody stole the tent."

And of course, Billy Roy Mitcham then did sum up the Health Care Debate:

"Let me get this straight.

Obama's health care plan will be . . .
. . . written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it,
. . . passed by a Congress that hasn't read it,
. . . signed by a president who smokes,
. . . funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes,
. . . overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and
. . . financed by a country that is nearly broke.
What possibly could go wrong with that? "

Thinking about Tonto for President in 2012.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Clunker Stuff Piling Up in Hubbard

Not only did the gloves come off this past week but the guns came off the racks in Hubbard over this "clunker" thing. It seems the folks at the drug store were suffering particularly bad one day from downtown global warming to the point that they started calling Scott Riddle's cows "clunkers". If you recall from previous blogs (5/9/09), Scott's cows are believed to be the major cause of global warming in downtown Hubbard (mostly around the drug store where the liberals have coffee) because of their excessive expulsion of gas into Hubbard's surrounding atmosphere. Well, this may be the first time in Hubbard history that anyone called another man's cows bad names.

Now the timing could not have been worse for this name calling because of an email that Butch Jackson, local philosopher and semi-internet surfing expert, had that very day shared with the Conservatives at the Hubbard City Cafe. This email is reported below by Aunt Martha:

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's 'Cash For Clunkers' rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.
President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named:

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this -- Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts. Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, members of private country clubs, people who live in condo towers and gated communities and any member of the Republican Party . Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies. All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.Remember you heard it here first!

Well you see my point about the timing of connecting clunkers to cows to global warming at the drug store while clunkers were being connected to health care and codgers at the City Cafe. And this all came only weeks after the clunker scam had closed down the neighboring City of Whiskey Flats (see 8/06/09 blog).

It's like Billy Roy Michum says, "this Obama crap sure piles up high, doesn't it?"

Meanwhile the Moderates, who take their coffee at the Dairy Queen, stayed above the fray since they could see both sides, and since nobody likes them anyway.

Think about it,


P. S. Scott Riddle, since this blog went to press, has attempted to trade a couple of cows in for pick up trucks hoping to get the $4,500 clunker price. This writer will report the results in 2011 when Washington completes the processing of his clunker trade in request.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Obama Wants to Get Between Uncle George and the Fridge

After watching the President's townhall meetings last week Butch Jackson, local philosopher and semi-news research specialist posed this question to parents at the Hubbard City Cafe, "how do you teach kid's ethics when our President lies like a junkyard dog being questioned by the Fire Department? To hear Obama tell it, old people in AARP, doctors, insurance companies, and people from all walks of life are all for his newly titled Insurance Reform Plan aka Health Care Reform. When you look at the people behind Obama and his teleprompters they are 100% smiling, nodding, and and wildly applauding the only guy I know that makes Bill Clinton look like a straght shooter. He says the only people against him are mobs who watch cable TV."

Butch said he immediately went to the Rasmussen web site to see when the tide had turned to favor Obama's plan, and this what he found:

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Thirty-five percent (35%) of American voters say passage of the health care bill currently working its way through Congress would be better than not passing any health care reform legislation this year. However, a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that most voters (54%) say no health care reform passed by Congress this year would be the better option.

Sixty percent (60%) of Democrats say passing the legislation in Congress would be the best course of action. However, 80% of Republicans take the opposite view. Among those not affiliated with either major party, 23% would like the Congressional reform to pass while 66% would rather the legislators take no action.

Voters who earn less than $20,000 a year are evenly divided but a majority of all other voters would prefer no action. Middle income voters, those who earn from $40,000 to $75,000 a year, are most strongly in favor of taking no action.

Billy Roy Mitchum jumped in with both boots. "Looks like there are a lot of Dems who make less than $20,000. I bet there are so many at zero that it pulls the average way down. These folks want everything to be free like it has been for Obama his entire life."

Billy Roy continued. I would hate to see the government get between people and their doctors. My 80 year old uncle recently went for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. Doctor Sammons says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

George, a sometimes practicing Methodist, replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof*!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof*!, the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife, Ethel, a hard shelled Baptist, he says, "George is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*! the light goes off?"

"OH MY GOD!" Ethel exclaims.

"He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!".

We don't need Obama's government between, George, Ethel, and Dr. Sammons. They are doing just fine. All they need is for those unemployed Democrats to go to work so their medical cost will come down and the government can get out of their way.

Think about it,