Monday, February 15, 2010

Obama Says He Wasn't the First To Blame Bush

Same old news day after day: Obama is failing, and it's still George Bush's fault. Blame Bush and if that doesn't work, then say, "Well, George Bush did exactly the same thing that we are doing now." Interesting approach.

Meanwhile, as the folks were puzzling over how CO2 emissions from Scott Riddle's cattle were causing Global Warming which were resulting in record snow falls in Dallas and the Northeast (I know, who cares about the NE) while the same Global Warming is ruining the Winter Olympics in Vancouver because there is no snow (puzzling?), the following report came almost straight from the Obama White House. Aunt Martha read it to the folks:

Obama Releases Previously Semi-Unpublished Archives

Archives from Valley Forge
January 15, 1777

As 11,000 Continental troops suffered from freezing temperatures and hazardous winds while wintering at Valley Forge it is secretly recorded that General George Washington blamed global warming for the blizzard. The General feels global warming was caused by excessive CO2 emissions expelled from his troop's horses. It is the General's settled scientific belief that the excessive gas is caused by a stable boy's error in mixing horse feed. The blamed stable boy has been identified as Pfc George A. Bush. Private Bush was hanged on January 12, 1777.

Archives from Washington, D. C.
April 18, 1865

President Andrew Johnson, who switched to the Democratic party this week, wrote in his diary today that former President Abraham Lincoln's death was the result of his insurance company denying emergency coverage due to a pre-existing condition. When the emergency medical personnel arrived at Ford's Theatre, where President Lincoln was attending the play, "Our American Cousin", they ruled that the President had an existing gun shot wound received before their arrival. President Lincoln was denied medical care as a result by the blamed attending physician, Dr. George C. Bush. Dr. Bush was hanged April 17, 1865.

President Johnson also reported that the perpetrator was John Wilkes Booth, described as a right wing conservative ideologue who frequently attended Tea Party Events when not watching Fox News and socializing with the George D. Bush family whom he blamed for endoctrinating young Booth. The entire Bush family was hanged on April 17, 1865.

President Johnson then captured Booth personally and hung him by his private parts after forcefully removing his finger and toe nails. In doing so, President Johnson had temporarily suspended Booth's Miranda Rights as well as the US Constitution. President Johnson was quoted as saying, "Now that Lincoln's gone, we need to pass comprehensive health care, one of these days."

Archives from Washington D. C.
March 3, 1991

President George H. W. (Herbert Walker) Bush wrote in his diary today that he had ordered the Desert Storm troops to stop 150 miles from Baghdad today and not capture Saddam and his capital city after having driven the Iraqis out of Kuwait in just 100 hours of fighting. President Bush has admitted to confidants that he had blamed his decision based on a request made at the dinner table by his son, George W. Bush, who begged, "Dad, I want to do it myself when I am President." George H. W. Bush was hanged by the American Press in 1991, and did not serve a second term.

Archives from Washington D. C.
April 14, 2003

President George W. Bush recorded in his diary that he blamed his father, George Herbert Walker Bush, for the Second Gulf War. He said if General Colin Powell had captured Saddam and Baghdad in 1991 that the second war would not have been necessary. The Jr. Bush recalled that the decision to stop the Desert Storm troops came as the result of his Dad getting angry at George Jr. for misbehaving at the dinner table causing George Sr. to say,"O.K. smart ass, you clean up this mess when you are President." George W. Bush continues until this day to be hung by the American Press.

As Billy Roy says, "I don't know what the hell an archive is, but it must be true because it came from the White House. Now that I think about it, the gate on my fence ain't worked so good ever since W took office."

Thinking hard about it,


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