Thursday, July 9, 2009

Dip Shits, Horse's Asses, and Dumb Bastards Disappear in Hubbard

Billy Jarvis has spent his life monopolizing the entire grain market in the Hubbard area while daily playing the stock market. His nick name in Hubbard is "Tickertape". Billy is super smart and regularly delivers economic reports at the Cafe. This week's report follows:

Celebrating his first 100 days in office, President Barack Obama told the American people: “One hundred days ago, in the midst of the worst economic crisis in half a century, we passed the most sweeping economic recovery act in history…One hundred days later, we are already seeing results.”

Tickertape says Obama's right, we are. Unemployment has risen to 9.5%, stocks fell to the lowest level in 10 weeks on Tuesday (Wednesday it got worse), and consumer credit delinquencies have hit a record high. Obama is taking a route of government spending and taxing while somehow promising future benefits that Tickertape describes nothing short of insanity.

Tickertape says Obama reminds him of Billy Mack Waller who owns the cafe across the street from the Hubbard City Cafe. Billy Mack has always seemed to take a different route than most. He has a big sign as you come in that says:
Mom says the folks at the City Cafe are delighted that Obama is out of the country this week "leaving us alone". They like it when Biden is in charge because as Billy Roy says, "he is dumber than a stump and can't even mess things up---- much".

Talk about taking different routes, how about this? Scott Riddle, local cattle baron , likes to drive my 7-year old granddaughter , Riley, around Hubbard when we are in town. She likes his big truck, feeding cows, stories about the old days, and waving to the locals as they drive by.

Recently Scott was out of town on his annual trip to Las Vegas playing in the Texas Hold Em World Championship Poker Tourney. His wife, Pat, came to Riley's rescue and offered to take her on a tour in her big Escalade. When they returned, Riley, anxiously ran in to give me a trip report. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with Mrs. Riddle?" I asked. "Oh yes, Papa" she replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!"

I guess like the President and Billy Mack, Pat is taking different routes.


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