Clunker Scandal Closes City of Whiskey Flatts

The following story was reported to the Hubbard City Cafe coffee drinkers by the Mayor of Whiskey Flatts, Booger Brown.

"A few months ago the sign entering Whiskey Flatts, which is a small town about 10 miles from Hubbard, read:

Welcome to Whiskey Flatts
Population 121

Today the sign just reads:

Whiskey Flatts
Closed

What happened? "About two months ago a slick talking salesman from Dallas set up a desk in downtown Whiskey Flatts to buy slightly used automobiles that he called "Clunkers". Paying top dollar (sometimes in the amount of $300-400) within a couple of days he had cleaned the town out of about 90 of these so called Clunkers. So our clunkers were on the way to Dallas for some type of scam for rich city people wanting trade ins to buy new cars. Meanwhile back in Whiskey Flatts within three weeks the following businesses closed their doors in our small city:

Pete's Auto Shop

Joe's Auto Shop

Pete and Joe's Repairs

Pete Jr's Fix It Shop

Lefty's Auto Supply

Joe Jr's Wrecking Yard"

Well, this really stirred up Billy Roy Mitcham who responded, "No wonder the Secy of Transportation is named LaHood! So that damn Clunker program shut the whole city down?"

Surprisingly Booger's answer was "No. This was a jolt to our economy but the real problem came from something your Aunt Martha calls 'unintended consequences' ." (Booger is an avid reader of the Hubbard City News)

"Well this term always excites the folks so they pulled their straight chairs up real close and ordered refills for their coffee."

The mayor continued, "like all major towns in Central Texas downtown Whiskey Flatts has been suffering from Global Warming with our temps this summer reaching 102-103 degrees on certain days that felt really hot. After the Clunkers were taken off our streets we had temperatures drop by 25-30 degrees immediately. In fact temps plunged at night to as low as 45-50 degrees. Well, our Math teacher, Mr. Mills immediately projected that this winter this attack on our environment would result in a Global Cooling of downtown Whiskey Ridge to reach tempertures with lows somewhere between 2 and 3 degrees. Hell, we might even dip below zero or something".

Well, when word got out our folks immediately boarded things up and most moved to Corsicana where there are plenty of Clunkers to protect the environment. So I just closed the town and am requesting some Washington 'stimulation'."

When asked what his alternatives were if the stimulation doesn't kick in quickly before the pipes rust and stuff like that, and of course he said, "we would have to go the 'bail out' route, but that would give us a lot more money than we really need bringing on a whole new set of problems. It seems a Mayor's job is never done."

Well no wonder Obama is not making public the Clunker data. Check out the press release below and don't forget to.....

Think about it,

Jim


Obama Won't Release Data on 'Clunkers' Program

Tuesday, August 4, 2009 12:55 PM

WASHINGTON -- The Obama administration is refusing to release government records on its "cash for clunkers" rebate program that would substantiate _ or undercut _ claims of its success.

President Barack Obama wants $2 billion more to boost car sales, days after the first $1 billion was made available. Obama has promised greater transparency, but Transportation Department officials say they don't have time to turn over sales data provided by car dealers.

The limited information shows most buyers are not picking Ford, Chrysler or General Motors vehicles, and six of the top 10 vehicles purchased are Honda, Toyota and Hyundai. The Associated Press has sought release of the data since last week. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood said Sunday the government would release it.