Friday, August 21, 2009

"First Day of School" in Hubbard as Obama Works the Indian Vote

Well Sue, my three grandchildren, and I just spent the weekend in Hubbard to enjoy one more visit with my Mom before school starts. This enabled me to spend time at the Cafe to gain first hand information.

While having breakfast I overheard a converation among the staff of the Hubbard City Cafe who were having a staff meeting to decide which after-shave lotion to buy Bubba, the dish washer, for his birthday. When they asked the world's greatest waitress, Linda, which one she would rather smell on Bubba, without hesitation, she responded that "she didn't want to smell Bubba". I am not sure how that turned out.

We stayed around until Monday afternoon since our kids did not have to get to school until Tuesday. It was well worth it since Donna Riddle, local cattle baron's daughter and second grade school teacher, called the following "first day of school" report into the cafe:

Donna noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and was quite itchy. Donna told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. Ms Riddle went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said,' And Mom told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

Scottie Andersen reported on President Barack Obama's recent vacation out West. Obama was working the Indian vote so he and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto woke the president and said, "Kemo bro, look towards sky, what you see?"

Obama replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

Obama pondered for a minute, turned on his teleprompter, then read, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, Mother Nature is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Whats' it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto says, "Obama, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means somebody stole the tent."

And of course, Billy Roy Mitcham then did sum up the Health Care Debate:

"Let me get this straight.

Obama's health care plan will be . . .
. . . written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it,
. . . passed by a Congress that hasn't read it,
. . . signed by a president who smokes,
. . . funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes,
. . . overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and
. . . financed by a country that is nearly broke.
What possibly could go wrong with that? "

Thinking about Tonto for President in 2012.


No comments:

Post a Comment