Saturday, October 17, 2009

Spooky Visit From the Honorable and Deceased Governor Hubbard

Butch Jackson, fact checker and philosopher of local renown, brought a really wild tale to the Cafe this past week. It seems Butch claims that he was awakened by a ghostly figure standing above his bed in the middle of the night. First you need to know a little history. Hubbard was once named Slap Out for a store whose owner apparently had trouble keeping his shelves stocked.

The community’s name, Slap Out, stuck until 1881 when a rail depot (The Cottonbelt Railroad) was opened and the town was officially founded as Hubbard (I was just a young kid at the time). The town was named for former Texas governor Richard B. Hubbard, who was present at the depot dedication.

Well it seems the dialogue with this ghostly figure went something like this.

Butch: " Whoa, who are you?"

Ghost: "I am the honorable, and deceased, Governor of Texas, Richard B. Hubbard. I am one of the many 'old dead white men' that today's politically correct Marxists hate. Just call me D.B."

Butch: "Why are you in my bedroom?"

D.B.: "I am on a mission from God. Being deceased I can obviously see into the future. I am fond of Hubbard and love to listen in on your discussions at the Hubbard City Cafe. I am here to warn you about things in your future that could have a negative effect on my namesake, Hubbard City."

Butch: "Why me?"

D.B.: "Because you are a man who is accurate to a fault, a great philosopher, and have at least a 50/50 chance of getting things somewhat right."

Butch? "So what's in our future that we need to know?"

D.B.: "Let's start with the year 2017. Barack Hussein Obama was just elected to be the Secretary General of the United Nations, except he has already changed the title to the World Chairman of Social Justice. U.N. trucks have just confiscated Scott Riddle's cows under the World Clean Air and Climate Change Law. Scott tried to track them but of course he was limited to a ten mile chase because he ran out of World Fuel Ration Slips."

Butch: "What the hell? That stuff just ain't right."

D.B.: "I don't have all night, let me finish. Scott took this pretty hard and took on some real severe chest pains. He is probably O.K. but we won't really know until he sees the doctor sometime next year in Chicago. Meanwhile, Scott's wife Pat, is appealing to the Mayor of Hubbard, Hector Raul Chavez, who is vacationing in Havana until the Spring ice thaw. It doesn't look good for Scott because, as you know, it was reported that he used the 'N' word in the Drug Store back in 1950 when he was a well known right wing radical in grade school and world class slingshot marksman. Of course, not getting into the Chicago Hospital may be a good thing, because no one from Hubbard has ever returned from that place yet."

Butch: "Well, at least Scott has put his money away. I'll bet he and the family won't starve."

D.B.: "Maybe, Pat has applied for a Check Writing Voucher which is under consideration by the office of the President of the World Bank, Jesse Jackson Jr. the 5th, who is headquartered in Harlem, N.Y. Of course, Jesse is currently vacationing in South Africa until the big thaw is expected in year 2020."

Butch: "How the hell did all this happen? Also, I just know Sweet Lou Tekell is going to want to know if Rush Limbaugh ever bought an NFL team?"

D.B.: "How this happened is a short story, but I have to run since God has only been allocated by Chairman Obama a time slot between 3:00 and 3:30 AM for any non-Muslim religious missions. We don't get the 24 hour non-stop radio time that Rush gets to advertise his Waco Rednecks outdoor ice hockey team. I don't know anything about the NFL. To quote an old dead white man who was governor of Caleeefornia, I'll be back."

Wow, as you might expect the folks are real stirred up about this report from Butch. Billy Roy say's,"no wonder The Methodist Church of Hubbard was told to stop sending their annual Christmas Tree Ornament to the White House because they will not use any 'religious' decorations this year on the Obamatree which they call a 'Holiday (not Christmas) Tree'."

This caused Scotty Andersen to use an overly used slogan, "well always remember, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Remember the two things Bill Clinton and Obama have in common is that both of their fathers were bigamist." Of course, nobody at the Cafe has any idea what Scotty means by this except that it does sound somewhat profound.

Think about it,


1 comment:

  1. This is a most refreshing look at the future, but it does leave out a few things. For instance, any light skinned male will most likely be viewed as redundant after the age of 30. After all, the government can't allow the unemployment rate to increase, nor health care expenses to do the same.