Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bull Shit Words Banned at the Hubbard City Cafe

The Hubbard City Cafe has a black board (it's really white, but you know what I mean) and recently Aunt Martha was asked to scribe a list of words that the folks called "Bull Shit". The group agreed not to use, nor let be used, any of these words while on the holy premises of the Hubbard City Cafe. Aunt Martha, being the proper reporter and librarian that she is, very careful wrote in the right hand corner of the black board "Banned Words". After several major moans and groans this term was accepted over "Bull Shit" until Sweet Lou Tekell came back later and wrote in "Bull Shit" alongside Aunt Martha's verbiage. This debate actually took longer than the selection of the banned words themselves.

The list of words and brief narratives follow:


1. Transparency: This was a campaign commitment that the new President and his team, including Congress, would basically conduct their business "out in the open". No more back room deals, lobbyists meetings and over nighters at the White House, tricky language in Legislative Bills that might deceive the voters, passing legislation that everyone has studied, etc., etc., etc.

Why? It was decided that anyone who needed an explanation as to why this word was on the list would be so stupid they would not be able to read the word anyway, and therefor, no explanation is possible.

2. Jobs Saved or Created: This is a new, slick, term that keeps score on how well the Stimulus package is performing.

Why? Under the Administration's rational any job left in this economy was saved by the Obama Administration. Since real unemployment is roughly 17%, then jobs saved is 83% and that is a lot better than 0% which would be the employment rate if Bush was still in office. This argument seemed like a stretch to the folks at the Cafe, however, they are admittedly somewhat old fashioned.

3. The Science is Settled: This term is used to stop any debate about things the government wants to do like make some people a shit pot full of money by solving Global Warming. Dressed up these money makers are called Cap and Trade or even a Comprehensive Energy Management Strategy and Plan.

Why? Hubbard High School pretty much taught that science is never over which is really amazing since even our High School Football Coach, who taught science, even knew this. Also, it seems to the folks that if global warming is threatening our world then pretty soon it should start getting hotter instead of colder. Also, Billy Roy tossed in that if we don't know whether it is going to ran in the next 4 days how do we know what is going to happen in the next 50 years. Also, he wants to know what the hell green has to do with little Japanese girlie cars?

4. Too big to fail: To let these companies fail, is to leave ourselves open to systemic risks. If a big old company (AIG, GE, etc.) has contributed a lot of money to the Dems (Barry Soweto Barrack Hussein Obama), then the potential loss of that contribution is too big to let them fail. If they also contributed to the GOP (McCain), then it is uncontested that they are too big to fail.

Why? By insuring our largest companies will enable them to take unreasonable risks for short term gains if they can get bailed out later. Why not sell your Moma cow this year even though it may drastically diminish your calf crop next year, if the government will give you a new calf anyway? Some of the guys at the Cafe know there ain't no such thing as a free calf crop for the little guys, but cattle barron Scott Riddle just might get bailed out if the political donations are at risks.

Also, what the hell does systemic risks mean? Do you really believe these Washington bozos know?

5. Bailouts, stimulus, TARP – Wonderful programs to save little people like us from "going over the brink".

Why? Lumped together into the category of never worked before, don’t work now, ain’t never gonna work except to drive our national deficit to $1.4 trillion (with a T) this year alone. Get your mothers to read you a little history, for goodness sake.

Besides, what the hell is the brink? Billy Roy thinks it might be a good place to "jump your truck".

Think about it,


1 comment:

  1. It is so good to get on this site and have confirmed what I've always known ... there is no need for news outlets, talking heads or the internet. All you need to know, in order to navigate the political landscape and understand the world, can be heard by daily making your way down to the Hubbard City Cafe (3:00 to 4:00 in the afternoon being prime time) kicking back and just listening. And that my friends is ... "no bullshit!"